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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
to-break-the-stalemate

to-break-the-stalemate:

One day, one day Jacob would eventually tell Evie about what happened when he assassinated Roth. There’d be no tears, no sadness, just Jacob’s calm, blank voice explained everything to his sister, and Evie would listen to every word he said. And when he reached the part where Roth kissed him, Evie would pull him into a warm hug. 

And Jacob would accept the hug.

But still he felt nothing but that emptiness aching inside his chest whenever he thought about that kiss.

to-break-the-stalemate
dirtyasscreedsecrets

chaosbayne asked:

First off, Signora Paola, your Phone Sex with Jacob fic on the Secluded Haystack-- HOT DAYUM. I'm all buzzed now. Secondly, your gif about Jacob's response to Arno's ass (the strutting bird) was too funny. I nearly choked on my food. Totally worth it though. Who doesn't want a piece of that ass?! (You're going to have to start sharing sister Teodora ;))

dirtyasscreedsecrets answered:

Awww, thank you so much, my friend! ♥️ Frankly, I never wrote anything about phone sex before and I didn’t think I could write something about it. I suppose you could say that Jacob brought out the, uhh, best in me. ;D

And Jacob is totally on board with Arno’s Butt Appreciation Week~

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~ Signora Paola (someone please arrest her for Photoshop abuse)

Oh my god I feel you, Jacob.

-Sister Teodora, who praises Signora Paola to the heavens for those gifs.

dirtyasscreedsecrets